My faith in God has always been very important to me. Of course, like any relationship, I have felt closer at times and more distant during others, but ultimately, I never doubted my faith and the role God plays in who I am.
It makes sense that, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer I immediately prayed to God to help me get through this and help me make the right decisions. He did guide me many times and when we had the opportunity to look back, it was obvious He was right there guiding me all along the way. As things progressed and kept escalating, I became angry at God. How could He do this to me? I’d ask, “Why me, God?!” I was so upset and didn’t care if I lived or died, especially in those dark moments. I cried for days on end. I doubted if there really was a God and if there was, why was He making me go through this? (As if I was something special, right?) Life throws us unexpected challenges all the time. I had lessons to learn and we all know there is no rhyme or reason when it comes to a cancer diagnosis.
I felt terrible for not trusting God and in my deep depression I couldn’t see a way out. (Please remember, I was suffering from deep despair and my brain couldn’t imagine a way out of the darkness). The way I acted and doubted my faith helped NOTHING AND NO ONE! Learn from me and lean on God. Ask Him to help you every step of the way. Stay positive and know something good will come of your experience. Now I am here to help others and each day I pray to do just that. I can offer hope on the other side and that life will return to a different kind of normal one day. It’s a good normal and you will be ok. It might take some time but you will get there.
I’m so thankful that I had many friends and family members praying for me when I couldn’t.